how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
