On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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