Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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