I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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