my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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