I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
