It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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