vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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