the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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