you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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