sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
