i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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