she was so not down for the gang bang
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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