it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Sext me about skeletons
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
