Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
