i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
are you so shy because you have an std?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
