Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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