WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
