i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Did you just see the Batmobile???
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
