i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
