Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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