I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
