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I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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