Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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