so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
