I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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