proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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