she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Rumble strips road head = magical
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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