Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
