Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
