Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Shame - the story of my life.
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