If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
