I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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