Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
whose ass print is on the piano?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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