When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize