after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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