I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
