dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
not ubering you a puppy
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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