why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
