Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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