if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
