You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She said her name was "party"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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