The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't think brook has ever known best
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My cat gives me a boner
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
