Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
