happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
