i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
