I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't deserve a penis
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
