high people should be assigned attendants
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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