I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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