When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
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