just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
another moral hangover. fuck.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
