Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
