I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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