he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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