What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
