I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
