I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
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