I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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