a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
