There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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