My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
