dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
