no, he came in my armpit
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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