i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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