I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
