Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
