dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
