what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Actions speak louder than pants.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
