I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
