A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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