You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
