haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
