Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
