so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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