There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
