I met the friendliest cop last night
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
