hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
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the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
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I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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