I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
