i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
